How our quarrels impact our dear children? I never knew our issues will impact our children this much until I spoke to them!
Nowadays, complicated marriages or divorce cases, has become a very common thing. As parents, we think that our children will cope up eventually with these complications. But do they really come out of this trauma so easily?
Don’t you think that your child just pretends to be “okay & normal”, while he/she is mentally disturbed & disheartened!
Below are some insights that possibly can help one understand their children’s emotions better.
Impact of parents relationship issues:
Right from a tender age, children look up to their parents and idolize them. It is their relationship that creates the first impression on them as a lifelong learning, either to walk that path or chose not to. Sadly, there has been a drastic increase in the number of complicated marriages which does impact a child’s mind. Especially, when a child between the age group of 4-12 years of age sees their parents fight and argue. As responsible parents, one should avoid such behavior in front of your children.
2. Studies and scores:
As time flies, the relationship between the parents worsens. They tend to be cordial in front of their children. However, the children can fathom that there is a void between their parents. This cold atmosphere and vibe do affect their studies which are seen evidently in their academic grades. Some of the schools realize this sudden drop in a child’s grades and they counsel the parents about the same.
3. Child psychology:
Children from troubled families, display introvert behavior. They avoid befriending other children. As parents, we need to ensure that our children spend time equally with their friends as much as they spend studying at home. Also, if one notices that their child is getting affected because of the situation at home (bad marriage or separation), they should take help from a child psychologist. A child psychologist can help one deal with such a situation in a proper way. Hence, the child grows up being a strong person without family issues affecting him/ her later.
4. Fear and dependency:
In situations where the parents are going through a separation, the children start fearing in their minds that the parent with whom they are living with may also leave them. This does get difficult for that single parent. However, one must spend a lot of valuable time with such children. One should verbally assure them that no matter what, your parent (single parent) will always be by their side and will never leave them.
5. Relationship with siblings:
When there are two or more children (siblings), their bond between themselves becomes very strong as they are living through this phase together and maybe no one in the world actually understands what they as children are going through emotionally. Even though the circumstances react to the situation differently, thus as a parent one must be prepared to understand and analyze why one’s child could be reacting in a certain way. An example being rebellious, overly protective, detached, etc could be anything which has not been ones child’s trait in so many years.
6. Mature faster:
Being a part of a troubled family, as children one tend to hear and see things that they should not be at a tender age or as a matter of fact ever especially when it concerns disconnects between their parents, however as these children grow up faster and start being responsible about themselves primarily from a young age.
7. Parents guilt:
As parents, one realizes the stress one is going through being in the bad marriage or having separated, hence one can only imagine how adversely this could be affecting one’s children hence to keep them (children) happy, parents try to meet all their demands, else showers the children with gifts. This is possibly an incorrect approach, the only way to help one’s children to cope with this reality is to spend quality time and talk about it to them, maybe they will not understand if they are very small, however when they grow up they will not feel that they were not told or made aware of this coming.
8. An idea about the relationship (during teens):
As teenagers, when they are at an age where they can analyze between the good and bad, they actually develop the courage to voice it to their fighting parents to end this behavior or become pacifiers between them, leading them to be subjected to a stressful situation to handle. When they grow older, they develop a mindset, in favor or against the institution of marriage.
Being grownups and parents, one must be extremely aware of what might actually affect your child. It is easy to say that one cannot handle this marriage/spouse or in-laws, however, one must also realize that they are connected to their children as well, however at the same time, if one is convinced that separation would be a positive move then counsel ones children and befriend them, win their trust and belief, explaining that as a parent you are taking this step and this will only be better for them.