When two people decide to get married, it is one of the most important decisions of their lives, irrespective of the fact that it being an arranged marriage or love marriage, saying the golden words, to the marriage vows ‘I do’, is their consciously taken decision to bond as Man & Wife. As days, months and even years pass by, the bond only becomes stronger, is what they use to say however in today days it seems like an arrangement where the love is lost and so are You (U) and your Spouse (S), where is the US in this relationship?
Certain factors that shake this bond to some extent are:
It is good to care for your parents, however, in our Indian society, it is noticed that married children are yet inclined to their parents constantly, rather than their spouses. There is always going to be love and respect in the parents-children relationship, however now that they are grown up and married as well, the onus also lies on the parents as well to let go of them and ensure that they try to create a stronger bond with their spouse. This is also with regards to the girl’s parents as constantly keeping in touch over the phone (thanks to technology), you are possibly not letting your children bond with their spouse. The same applies to the boy as well, who constantly keeps on calling his mother when the couple is on their personal trip.
Insecurity and interference:
This is mainly noticed with the mothers of their only son, once he is married, the mother finds it very difficult to adjust with the fact that he now has a wife and is rightfully giving her equal or more attention which in-turn instills insecurity for both, the mother and the daughter-in-law as they both feel that he is only listening to her (either the mother or the wife), this leads to the man being torn between two most important women in his life. This situation can be taken care of, if the mother and the daughter-in-law understand and accept they both need time with him in their own way, then it would be less stressful for all three of them.
Everything else is important, but you:
In a marriage, the most important person for an individual should be your spouse primarily and then your immediate family, friends and so on. When your spouse starts choosing their friends, work, timeouts or even just being constantly on the phone while you are around, then it surely means that you aren’t that important anymore in this relationship. If you have even casually noticed or felt this form of stress from within, trust your instinct (inner voice) and talk to your spouse and clear the air, setting your expectation is the best way to get the situation under check.
With the constant stress at work, it is possible that your spouse may start ignoring you unknowingly, which does make one feel that your spouse is not bothered or does not care for you, this condition can lead to depression as well, especially in case of working couples where they hardly can spend quality time with each other, they need to consciously put in that extra effort to ensure their spouse knows that they are connected, concerned, aware and totally with him/her on every way.
Most of the couples today are go-getters at their workplace, they have their opposite-sex colleagues / good friends who they end up discussing work and personal life (maybe to some extent). A marriage reaches this stage only when the individuals for any reason have lost that confidence on their spouse and are already going through an emotional relationship turmoil, this hampers your focus at work, leading to hypertension and blood pressure issues health-wise, having a peaceful and balanced life at home will give you more energy to work hard at your workplace.
Space – Don’t ask me as I don’t ask u:
After office parties and office picnics become a timeout, not from work but a timeout from your relationship at home, so when you come back and your spouse asks “how was the
party?” (that is again if your spouse does ask), you blatantly reply “good” and no fun or craziness details are shared, that’s your first step taken to creating your space outside your marriage. Lack of communication in a husband-wife relationship means dishonesty and no trust. It is always better to talk and sort out issues than to carry them and lead your relationship into creating your space.
You & Me:
Between a couple when they start addressing each other like blaming for the pettiest reasons then that is also another sign of introspecting, was this argument over this little thing that important or your relationship with this person. Every couple has differences, however, coming to a mutual consensus is the bond between the two that reflects, bottling issues or thinking it will resolve by itself, it never will, in fact, it will only create more differences between the two again leading them to stress that can harm and attract lifestyle health conditions.
Trust me! Really? :
With constant disconnects and space created between the two by them, knowingly or unknowingly, shakes the foundation of your relationship, ‘Trust’, this is like a lost battle, all the time spent in knowing each other and deciding to marry, will then lead to stressful questions of “what was I thinking of then?”, grow with your spouse and enhance your relationship, sometimes it is better to let go of what you like and do what your spouse would like you to do, else be transparent about it and talk it our as grown-up adults, than choosing to lie or hide things.
The best way to lead a happy and stress-free life is to live with a positive and clear mind, where there is trust and love, fights and patch-ups, concern and caring, a sweet blend of good and bad in your relationship with your spouse. No, this does not happen overnight, it is only through continuous and conscious efforts from both in the relationship leads you to a happy marriage between the two.
Be Happy, Be Peppy! 🙂
Article Credits: Aarti Dalal | Mumbai | India